Things that are bugging me these days.

1. Women in the gym changeroom who do everything, from slathering on their body lotion to putting on their coat, in front of the mirror. Do you really need to know what you look like as you put on your socks? I sure don't. While this makes me feel a bit better about my comparative level of vanity, I can't help but get impatient as I wait to put on my mascara. I really actually do need a mirror for that.

2. A Perfect Circle's cover of John Lennon's Imagine. Possibly the worst song I've ever heard. They managed to take a hopeful hippie anthem and turn it into a suicide dirge. I'm not big on Beatles (and by extension, John Lennon's solo) covers by anyone, except street buskers or in live performance, anyway. I mean, the nerve! Do they think they can re-record perfection? And Michael Buble, did you think it was a good idea to completely castrate the Fab Four? You better hope you can buy love, 'cause no one is throwing their panties at you after your rendition.

3. People who cut in front of me while walking, but walk slower than I do. So...You want to get there before me, but not sooner? Yes, I get pedestrian rage. Sign me up to be the new Crazy Lady.

4. The fact that the homeless dude on the corner is a racist. He's our "regular" homeless guy - we see him enough that we say "hi" often. We've given him cash, free-sandwich coupons, and smiles. We even thought that my father-in-law had given him his old winter coat, but that turned out to be the other homeless dude that shares the corner (I think they take shifts). But today I heard him ranting about Chinese people. He used a racial epithet that I'd never heard before and now I'm upset that I know a new derogatory word. Also upset at him. Sure, he's not mentally stable, but that's no excuse for bigotry. (That's right, Granny, that applies to you, too.)

5. That my office building is located in a suburban wasteland. It's a ten-minute walk to the nearest strip-mall. I am trapped in my cubicle and I still haven't brought in any "personality items", other than BDSM Lambie.

6. No one at work has seen BDSM Lambie, and the thrill of it being funny is wearing off. When a co-worker does finally notice the little stuffed lamb wearing a leather face mask and chaps, I'll be so bored of the whole idea of having such a silly thing on my desk that I won't even react. Although, nonchalance is pretty funny, where deviant sex in the work environment is concerned.

7. Just when you thought you were out... I finally sent my union a letter asking to withdraw my membership. Seeing as how I now have a regular, 9-to-5, biweekly paycheck, desk job. In response, I got a voicemail from the admin lady -- who always sounds like she's maybe about to cry, as opposed to the member services lady, who always sounds as though something terrible has happened and if you don't return her call right away the world might end -- apparently in order to "honourably withdraw" I have to pay up my union dues in full. So, I haven't worked a union gig in a full year, and now I cannot afford to quit. My options: Pay exorbitant dues in exchange for no work and no benefits, in order to stay in good standing with a union I will likely never be involved with again, or be "dishonourably discharged" from the International Cinematographers Guild. Why won't they just let me go? Why does it have to be hard? I'm considering treating them like a playground bully -- ignore them and maybe they'll just go away.

8. I'm too picky about baking. I was looking forward to this week's office bake sale, one of many this holiday season. I take my change, head down to the assigned boardroom, and load up a paper plate with ostensibly delicious homebaked goodies. And I am inevitably disappointed. No one's blondies are as good as mine, and I can't believe I even bothered with someone else's ginger crinkle cookies. Now I've got all this sugary temptation that I can't even be bothered to eat. I suppose that's progress, in a way, in light of my newly-admitted-to sugar addiction. Nevertheless, it just takes the joy right out of holiday bingeing.

Eight things is probably enough negative energy for one post. To restore positive energy, take a deep breath, chant an "Ohm" and take a nice full-body stretch. Or binge. Whatever blows your skirt up.