In the spirit of extreme self-divulgence, I have a confession to make. On a recent household purge, I had to admit to myself that I own way too many pairs of underpants. I could go three months without doing laundry, and still have a clean pair to wear on the first of the fourth month. When I travel, I take probably twice as much as I need. Weekend out of town? I've got 8 pairs with me. I mean, what if there's an emergency like you fall in a river, or you meet Will Ferrell and he makes you laugh so hard that you pee yourself and then you need a clean pair of underpants?!? What if you get into an accident and there's a cute doctor and before he cuts your jeans off, you have a chance to change into cuter panties? At border crossings, I'm always a little worried about them going through my luggage. "Like what are you, lady? Some kind of weird panty smuggler?"
But I can't get rid of any of them. I take really good care of all my clothing, underwear included, and so even older ones are in good shape (I'm not like some gross boy, with a disintegrating string that barely covers my balls hanging from a worn-out elastic -- my barely-there elastic and string is intentional, and well-looked after). I've just managed to accrue way too much. There's the fact that I can't visit the UK without visiting Marks & Spencer and picking up a 5-pack. Or two. (They're such good quality!) Also, whenever I've ordered from Victoria's Secret, I can't help but throw in an order for a few more of those comfy "Pink" ones. Then there's the "specialty" pairs - ones that came in a matching set with a cami or bra. And don't even get me started on the stuff I managed to acquire from my bachelorette party.
As a solution, I have decided to embrace the fall fashion trend of layering. I'm envisioning solid coloured thongs under meshy briefs, or lace boyshorts over patterned bikinis, or for a sportier American Apparel type thing, two of the same pair in different colours arranged just so. Don't think of it as wearing two pairs of underwear; That's weird, in a my-uptight-Granny kind of way. Think of it as resource management. Wait a second... Now I'm going to need about 16 pairs for the long weekend. I hope La Senza is still open.
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2 comments:
A few things to say:
1) Thanks for the nod!
2) You have balls?
3) Panty-layering = awesome + fashion forward.
YOU are my raison d'être.
My balls are figurative.
I was attempting to make a point, and also excusing myself for owning old underwear. I wanted to assure the reader that although some of my many pairs might be aged, they are not gross -- the way they might be if they belonged to a guy.
Seriously though, don't you think that wearing several pairs at once might make me look... you know...?
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